Enchanted: The Reduced Script

I know, I know; I said I have a soft spot for family movies. Apparently my definition for family movies was actually narrower than I thought, for I couldn't help but going over all this movie's flaws when I saw it.

Sample:

EXT. NEW YORK CITY - real world

AMY arrives, only to be bullied and pushed around. Eventually, she stumbles upon PATRICK DEMPSEY and HIS DAUGHTER.

PRINCESS AMY ADAMS: (innocently, with heavy emphasis on MAGIC) Patrick, please help me and find my TRUE LOVE, a PRINCE, and he will come RESCUE me from this unsavory raw theater.

PATRiCK DEMPSEY: No problem. I've played nothing but cynical douches who help distressed damsels unconditionally. For the record, though, I don't believe in fairytales.

PRINCESS AMY ADAMS: (innocently) Oh, really? That's so SAD. What ELSE is this movie if an inefficient employee like YOU live in such an EXPENSIVE APARTMENT?