Have a Very Bay Christmas!
Merry Christmas! You are now entitled to open your Christmas present - a Reduced Script for the godawful Transformers movie with more free packages of trashing goodness to come!
The Fanfiction.net version is here.
The PDF version is here.
Sample:
Suddenly, BUMBLEBEE rescues him and, just his freaking luck, MEGAN, and MICHAEL BAY finally gets the AWESOME car chase he pines so much.
DIRECTOR MICHAEL BAY: Ha, bet you didn't see that coming! Man, I'm the master of unpredictability.
BUMBLEBEE: (switching between channels) You meant our ability to not only transform from crappy stunt cars into even crappier CGI, but also to transform day into night, right?
He DOES, or maybe it's just MICHAEL channeling ED WOOD. Then the two ROBOTS transform and begin to FIGHT!
INFERNO (V. O.): Royalty, the program is operating at 300 percent capacity! We are successfully destroying five times ten to the twenty-seventh power audience brain cells per second!
BARRICADE: RARRRR!
BUMBLEBEE: (switching between channels) RARRRR!
BARRICADE: RARRRR! I WILL DESTROY YOU WITH MY DUEL FLAILS!
BUMBLEBEE: (switching between channels) BUT ALL I'M SEEING IS JUST SHINY METAL TWIRLING IN THE AIR! AND IS THAT YOUR ARM, OR MY LEG?
BARRICADE: WHAT? DON'T YOU KNOW THAT SENSELESS, ILL-CHOREOGRAPHED ACTION IS ALL THE AUDIENCE NEEDS?
BUMBLEBEE: (switching between channels) REALLY? THEN WHY DON'T THEY GO PLAY THIS MOVIE'S LICENSED VIDEO GAME? AT LEAST THAT WOULD BE MORE COMPREHENSIBLE AND LESS PRETENTIOUS!
BARRICADE: BUT THEN THEY CAN'T ENJOY THE DIRECTION OF MICHAEL BAY, WHO HAS MADE SURE THAT THE CAMERA IS SO BLURRY THE AUDIENCE CAN'T SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING ANYWAY!
BUMBLEBEE: (switching between channels) WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT OF AN ACTION MOVIE IF YOU CAN'T EVEN ENJOY THE ACTION?
BARRICADE: YOU SEE, YOU CAN ENJOY JUVENILE, MIND-NUMBING ATTEMPTS AT HUMOR!
BUMBLEBEE: (switching between channels) LIKE THIS?
He throws the camera at FRENZY, who is chasing SHIA and pulling his PANTS.
FRENZY: Don't mess up with me, or I will go off like a CD player on a rampage!
The Fanfiction.net version is here.
The PDF version is here.
Sample:
Suddenly, BUMBLEBEE rescues him and, just his freaking luck, MEGAN, and MICHAEL BAY finally gets the AWESOME car chase he pines so much.
DIRECTOR MICHAEL BAY: Ha, bet you didn't see that coming! Man, I'm the master of unpredictability.
BUMBLEBEE: (switching between channels) You meant our ability to not only transform from crappy stunt cars into even crappier CGI, but also to transform day into night, right?
He DOES, or maybe it's just MICHAEL channeling ED WOOD. Then the two ROBOTS transform and begin to FIGHT!
INFERNO (V. O.): Royalty, the program is operating at 300 percent capacity! We are successfully destroying five times ten to the twenty-seventh power audience brain cells per second!
BARRICADE: RARRRR!
BUMBLEBEE: (switching between channels) RARRRR!
BARRICADE: RARRRR! I WILL DESTROY YOU WITH MY DUEL FLAILS!
BUMBLEBEE: (switching between channels) BUT ALL I'M SEEING IS JUST SHINY METAL TWIRLING IN THE AIR! AND IS THAT YOUR ARM, OR MY LEG?
BARRICADE: WHAT? DON'T YOU KNOW THAT SENSELESS, ILL-CHOREOGRAPHED ACTION IS ALL THE AUDIENCE NEEDS?
BUMBLEBEE: (switching between channels) REALLY? THEN WHY DON'T THEY GO PLAY THIS MOVIE'S LICENSED VIDEO GAME? AT LEAST THAT WOULD BE MORE COMPREHENSIBLE AND LESS PRETENTIOUS!
BARRICADE: BUT THEN THEY CAN'T ENJOY THE DIRECTION OF MICHAEL BAY, WHO HAS MADE SURE THAT THE CAMERA IS SO BLURRY THE AUDIENCE CAN'T SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING ANYWAY!
BUMBLEBEE: (switching between channels) WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT OF AN ACTION MOVIE IF YOU CAN'T EVEN ENJOY THE ACTION?
BARRICADE: YOU SEE, YOU CAN ENJOY JUVENILE, MIND-NUMBING ATTEMPTS AT HUMOR!
BUMBLEBEE: (switching between channels) LIKE THIS?
He throws the camera at FRENZY, who is chasing SHIA and pulling his PANTS.
FRENZY: Don't mess up with me, or I will go off like a CD player on a rampage!
Labels: Script Archive Update, Transformers
posted by Aayla Security at 11:24 AM
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