General Update

I didn't get around to see movies that are "reduce-worthy" during Christmas, hence my digging through older scripts that were written for much more dated movies. No, I haven't seen I AM LEGEND, nor have I seen THE GOLDEN COMPASS. I did, however, see P.S. I LOVE YOU, and surprisingly, I liked it a lot despite it being a Romantic Comedy/Drama - have I gone soft?

Also, the Connections Page has been updated with some websites useful for movie education.

The Dark Crystal: The Reduced Script

Okay, I admit: I never saw this movie as a child, and watched it as late as the summer of 2005, as part of the Kiddy Movie Marathon project. Among the three movies selected for this project (the other two being, oh sweet Jesus, the pain known as CARAVAN OF COURAGE: AN EWOK ADVENTURE and its barely tolerable sequel, EWOKS: THE BATTLE FOR ENDOR), THE DARK CRYSTAL was the most insufferable – not because it was full of outrageous kiddiness (surely the first Ewok movie faired worse), not because it had bad effects (though I was admittedly slightly unnerved by the protagonists' appearance), but rather because of the insultingly linear (and uninteresting) plot, the absence of "acting", and the random, time-consuming crap that was spilled all over the script. In the aftermath, I had to watch STAR WARS (a linear but INTERESTING movie) five times to get rid of the bad taste in my mouth.

The PDF version is here.

P.s. I'm all for preserving your childhood memories, so if you hold this movie deep in your heart and don't want to know how horrible it could be for a grown-up, I suggest you turn away. NOW.

Sample:

FRIENDLY BIRD-LIKE LIZARD: Listen, according to this random prophecy, you must heal The Dark Crystal and save our world. In order to do so, you must 1. Find a female version of Yoda and get this Significant Item from her; 2. Not ask any of my wise colleagues for directions; 3. Experience the artificial beauty of the world of The Dark Crystal; 4. Encounter extraordinarily cutesy beings specifically created and designed for this movie. On your way, you will enjoy the beautiful scenery and the mysterious magical atmosphere. That is pretty much the essence of your otherwise trivial mission. Consult A TOURIST'S GUIDE TO THE WORLD OF THE DARK CRYSTAL for your traveling pleasure. Now, leave, Male Puppet Lead; the success of this movie rests not so much on the completion of your unremarkable and boring journey but rather on the stunning special effects.

MALE PUPPET LEAD: But hasn't my stuffed-animal appearance already ruined it?