Saturday, September 22, 2007

Stranger Than Fiction: The Reduced Script

No, I still have no idea why Harold Crick was able to hear Karen Eiffel, because, apparently, the best way to work around an inexplicable gimmick is to never explain it.

Sample:

EMMA'S VOICE f*cks WILL up. It narrates his movements when he is working, talking to people, and ogling MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL'S TITS VIA TRIGONOMETRY. Sometimes, it narrates parallel to the events in WILL'S life; other times, it warps time and space, narrating as if WILL is doing three different things at three different places simultaneously, even though WILL listens to the narration in real-time.

DUSTIN HOFFMAN
I draw pleasure from giving Will idiotic instructions and berating him for following them.
(pause)
As a literary expert and a moron, I suggest you prevent your imminent death by altering your current set of behaviors, despite the glaring possibility that your efforts might also be part of the plot that triggers your death.

Labels: ,

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

V for Vendetta: The Reduced Script

To be quite honest, I liked this movie a lot, even though I disagree with the movie on a lot of things. I heard the original graphic novel was even more extreme, though. So I guess it would have been worse.

Also, I will now attempt to update on a biweekly basis. And finally, I will, from now on, include a sample of the script for every post announcing a script archive update.

Sample:

EXT. SEMI-ORWELLIAN SOCIETY, ZORRO-STYLE - SYMBOLIC DARKSTREET

A HUMAN WITH A COMICAL MASK is exacting vengeance on EVILAGENTS OF SURVEILLANCE, rescuing NATALIE PORTMAN in theprocess.

NATALIE PORTMAN
I'm confused; am I supposed to bereasonably afraid after witnessinghow you, like a complete nutcase,TOTALLY tore people up, or should Ijust make fun of your funny outfit?

HUGO WEAVING (OR HIS STUNT)
I sense great potential in yourabnormal personality, so observewhen I commit an act of terrorism.

He TOTALLY DOES.

...

Labels: , ,